April 1st

It’s April 1st and I’m starting the new month off right. I always feel good when I blog and write things  out so I’m going to try to keep this up – you know how good I am at that…. ;)

Starting it off by making an announcement – I’m doin it again
I joined another Ragnar team and I’ll be running the Chicago relay all the way from Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago!
I’m SO excited. I know 1 person on my team (from work), so it’s similar to my last situation and I’m hoping the outcome is the same – a crazy adventure and lifelong friends ;) Pretty stoked!

Oh boy

What an amazing weekend I had.  My best friend came to visit

and it was exactly what I needed. It’s been a rough year here in Chicago; starting over and trying to make new friends is hard in a new city, especially when I’ve been dealing with other things previously mentioned here on the blog. I’ve made plenty of friends and I have some pretty amazing people in my life right now but there is just nobody like your BFF.
I haven’t laughed as hard and as much as I did this weekend in what feels like years.
I’d like to say that I’m completely healed, but the truth is, I’m just not. It has and is going to continue to be a journey for me. I’ve had some set backs; however, spending a weekend with someone who knows me better than anyone; someone who cares, listens and just cries with me really helped put me in a new mindset. I feel refreshed.
So there ya have it – we talked, we cried, we laughed…HARD! And now I miss her so much!!!!!!!!!!
I dropped the bestie off today and sadly took the long train ride home all by myself.It was actually kinda hard to come back to my empty apartment. So I distracted myself and went for a long run. You heard me…a run!
I get so many emails asking how my health is (which I appreciate so much) so thank you! I go back and forth with how much I should put out there. This blog has truly gone in so many directions, but seeing how much support I’ve gotten from people who want to know how I’m doing, or can just relate makes me feel like it’s important to do this. So I’m going to try to get back into writing whether it’s not always a happy and positive as I’d like it to be, I do want to share and I want to get back to that happy place…so bad!
So here it is….
I’m still struggling with my eating disorder. I was actually doing really well but for some reason took many steps back and my head got clouded with some pretty disordered thinking. I’d like to think I’m on my way out now BECAUSE I can admit this and say that I’m trying to hard to get out of it. I really am.
As for my other health problems – those seem to be getting SO much better. Like I mentioned above…I RAN! My legs are working again (yay) and other things have happened that make me think I’m on the mend. This is also another reason why I want so bad to be OK. I see the effect that my bad decisions have had on my body and I paid for it, I’m still paying for it. I only want to get better.
This post was a bit of a jumble but it’s not often that I want to just blurt this stuff out, so I went with it.
I’m really going to try to keep up with this and also start to include my healthy decisions instead of my bad decisions.
We’ll see what happens from here but I just want to thank everyone so much for reaching out. I’m so sorry for disappearing but thank you for following me on my never-ending journey.

So Cold

Wish me luck for tomorrow! There’s a winter storm warning saying to stay indoors if possible – extreme temperature warning! Gahhhh I’ll be bundling up, that’s for sure.

For now though, look how beautiful
Right outside of my door. As gorgeous as that looks I seriously can’t wait for that to melt, the sun to come out and me to be able to run by the lake – it’s right there!
For now I’m keeping myself busy on the stairs and in the weight room
This was my cardio yesterday
I took the bus to the gym, ran a few miles on the stairs and then did a back/bi workout.
I ended up just walking home – trying to enjoy being outside as much as possible before I absolutely can’t stand to be next week. Who would have thought this would be my life..
Anyway, last night was so much fun. Went to a surprise b-day party for a friend and I’m so glad I went. It’s easy to want to lock yourself up when it’s so cold or when you’re feeling down – it helps to surround yourself with good people
so that’s what I’m trying to do.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

2013 flew by and I always say that but really – this year feels like a blur. So much has happened; good and bad, but I’m focusing on the positive this new year and want to acknowledge all of the wonderful things that did happen -
I made amazing friends in San Diego this past year through things that I love; the gym, races, surfing, exploring…I probably made some of my closest friends withIn the last 2 but specifically this one.
I pitched my own TV show to a TV station and actually got my own segment on the morning news on UT~TV
I appeared in weekly news segments with a celebrity trainer performing workouts to San Diego on KUSI Morning news
I became a fitness ambassador for a yoga clothing company
I ran the SoCal Ragnar Relay and pushed myself harder than I ever thought possible while having one of THE best times of my LIFE – a 200 mile adventure!
I appeared in a New Balance sponsored workout video
I started a video blog on a local news website on ways to stay active in San Diego
I moved from San Diego to Chicago  and got a job in IT….I mother effing T….who woulda thought! : )
So here I am. From sunshine to snow….from beach bum to city girl…
I’m ready to make 2014 just as wonderful as 2013, without some of the hiccups that happened along the way, of course.
I want to continue to work on projects that I’ve let get away from me, I want to spend quality time with people I love and care for and develop equally significant relationships in Chicago. Let loose and enjoy my life more. Be positive. Be healthy. Be loving and caring. Be a better daughter, friend, cousin, niece, sister, BFF…I want to INspire, BE inspired and focus on things I love and feel passionate about.
I want to laugh more
Love more
Care more
I hope everyone has an absolutely amazing new year!

Fresh starts, so many fresh starts…

Always fresh starts here at HSDL but that’s ok because you have to start somewhere. I had many years of failed attempts to quit smoking but I did it, so I can’t give up on other goals I have now, even if it takes me some time.
These goals aren’t unlike anyone else’s goals OR unlike the same ones I keep displaying here; however, it takes certain experiences, certain feelings and certain talks to give you the strength to move forward and be successful.
So here I am, yet again, on a new journey to health.
Along with my usual eating right, working out type of health I have realized that there may be more to it –  in fact there IS more to it. I need to do more for ME. Not in a selfish way, but I really need to start doing more things that I care about, that make me happy. For so long now I’ve been claiming that working out and staying fit is what makes me happy and indeed it does; however, that absolutely cannot be my life. Living an active lifestyle, doing more outside of the gym also made me quite happy in San Diego – I need to focus on that more here….even in the frigid cold. ;) I simply cannot go on just working and working out….it’s not enough.
I love to read, I love to write – I love to explore and go on adventures big and small. I love to spend quality time with family and friends and get lost in good, important conversations….
It’s all been missing. Where have I been?
I have an opportunity here to create a pretty amazing life in Chicago and I’m completely ruining it, per usual. Let’s see if I can make some positive changes and get my life back!