If it wasn’t official then it most certainly is now. I LIVE in Chicago. I am OFFICIALLY the proud renter of my very own (yep, no roommates) apartment. I now reside in Lincoln Park and I couldn’t be more excited and well….SCARED!
I have never lived completely on my own. I went from having roommates, to living with 7 other people when I moved to Chicago. My cousin and her husband have been SO kind and let me stay with them until I figured out my situation here. That meant I was living with them AND their 3 boys! It was fun but 7 months later….I’m excited to be on my own in a new city.
This is my fresh start. I mean how much fresher can I get. I picked up and moved to a new city where I knew no one and now I am staying and actually creating a home here. I think a large part of me struggled with being at my cousins. Yes, I was completely grateful but I really didn’t consider any place home and I think that effected me in many ways….I’m hoping this is a great new positive change.
So I officially moved in on Saturday and so far I have a bed and a tv. After spending the night I have been thinking of the 1st things really need to focus on getting that will make the apartment more complete. On my list:
Comforter – I’m using a blanket right now that actually keeps me very warm but I think I need a comforter to make it look nicer
Paint – Accent wall
Art and candles (for decoration)
Leg Extensions for my bed…it’s too low
It’s going to take me a while to get all of these things…probably the 6 months that I’m actually in this place but considering I came to Chicago with absolutely nothing, this is a good start!
And BTW I am the luckiest girl in the WORLD to have the family that I do!
A little update
Months have passed and I have finally gotten some questions answered, but not all. I was referred to a neurologist a couple of months ago who ended up sending me in for an MRI of my brain and upper spine for fear that I might have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). With numb feet, loss of balance and muscle weakness I saw in his eyes that this was his first guess.
My results show that I’m MS FREE. Gahhh! I couldn’t be happier about THAT news. I mean it’s been months of me stressing, thinking way too much about what that could mean for me and my future but finally, some relief.
I wish that made it all better. Unfortunately, I’m still numb. My feet that is. And I’m still have the difficulty walking. I want to say it’s gotten better, that I’ve improved, but really I think I’m just adapting to it – I work around it and half of the time don’t notice until I’m walking next to an old lady on the street I can barely keep up with.
I’m frustrated. The process of getting my MRI was so long that I had stopped thinking about it so much and was just certain that my results would give us some answers. But the good news also came with more questions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?
Prior to my MRI I started seeing an acupuncturist. A Chinese healing doctor who took one look at me and told me I was unhealthy. He said I had no glow to me, that I was pale and sick looking and at 28 should be glowing and full of life and light. I of course started crying but with a glance at my tongue and a comforting grasp of my hands, the man said he would fix me. I bought all of the herbs he prescribed and I made an appointment with his acupuncturist.
My first and only appointment with the acupuncturist was interesting. He too said he would fix me and after asking me a few questions and hearing what kind of lifestyle I live….he told me I did this to myself. GREAT! He said a lot of restrictive diets can cause all of this to happen to someone’s body so basically, just like I thought in my previous posts, I did this. I took it too far. I am NOT healthy.
So this is where I’m at. Still looking for answers, still wondering if things will get better.
My next step is an EMG test. It’s an exam that will test my nerves. I heard it’s extremely painful and uncomfortable so I’m looking forward to that…..NOT.
So I went in for my MRI on Tuesday and as soon as I got in there the machine BROKE DOWN. Ugh, it was so upsetting but I rescheduled for tomorrow and then I meet with my doctor again on Tuesday – so definitely have some updates coming!
This past week was really great. I worked out every morning, light workouts of course, went to bed early every night – just going easy on my body. It of course felt good to be moving and working out and in regards to food, it was a good week….except for late night, creepy L rides…
I’m actually trying really hard to budget and set myself up with a really good, clean, meal plan that I can follow throughout the week – Something that will help me stay on track as well as save me some cash money…that’s super important too.
I’m going to run to the grocery store tonight and try to do a mass buy of all of my food for the week so I don’t wander in there every day after work spending unnecessary money. But seriously, something is wrong with me – I love walking around a grocery store. Why? I don’t really know exactly but I love it – almost more than shopping for clothes. Well…real people clothes. Not work out clothes. I could wander around the racks of Cozy Orange any day!
Stay tuned for Part III of my Confessions of a Single Girl. Just when I thought it was gone…it’s BACK. Catch part II here.
I did not work out for 11 days. ELEVEN days. The longest I’ve gone without working out in 4 years and boy did I need it. Over these days I let myself sleep, I let myself eat…a lot! I let myself RELAX. At least I tried to relax – I’m woring on that every day.
Went abck to the gym this morning with no big expectations, I didn’t push myself too hard – I did what I could but still got a great workout in which made me realize, I was working myself into the GROUND! This morning I rode the bike for 40 minutes, listened to my music and just zoned out for while. It felt good to move. I also did some light weights but did it all while sitting – putting no strain on my back.
This weekend was dark. Very dark. I think I have to leave it at that but I feel so refreshed this morning and so ready to start a new healthy way of living. I’m trying to climb out of this hole, I want so bad to be happy and be the positive person I was before. How do I get back there?
With the help of my friends and family I think I am on the right track. They all know (for the most part) what I’m going through emotionally and physically. They all want me to be happy and (I’m sure) quite sick of this sad, blue Dawn. I have so much to be happy about, so much to be grateful for and yet I always find something to bring me down. WHY?
I’m 28. Life is passing me by and I’m wasting it dwelling on negativity and darkness. It makes me so mad just thinking about it – but why is it so hard to stop?
It has to stop.
My new goal: BE HAPPY, BE HEALTHY, BE POSITIVE.
On another note, I have my MRI today. No change in the way I’ve been feeling physically – I’m anxious to get the results next week.
Hope everyone had a great long weekend! Mine started with summer hours and a selfie snapchat session. I just can’t help myself sometimes
Finally, I got in to see the doctor. Unfortunately, I don’t know anything yet and even as I begged her to tell me what she even thought this could possibly be – she refrained from answering and said we’ll let all of the tests they’re running tell us.
I had lab work done for a number of things. B12 deficiency, MS and Thyroid. I had x-rays done of my hips and I have an MRI scheduled for Tuesday. She also prescribed me 2 medications. 1 is an anti-inflammatory and the other is something to ease nerve pain, etc. I just started them this morning, so I’m looking forward to seeing how they work.
Day 8 of no working out and although my issues with walking and my feet haven’t changed and I feel softer and thicker (I’m sure all in my head) I do feel refreshed. I feel rested and more alert. A little more energetic and less zombie-like, I guess. I’m still fighting the emotional side of not working out for me – I mean there’s a reason I haven’t taken a day off in years. But my health is important to me and I want to be better. So I’m giving it the rest of the weekend and then Tuesday morning I think I’ll start with some light cardio on the bike – the doc said it should be fine and to stay away from weights for now. Without weights and stairs I don’t know who I am. Crazy talk, I know, it’s just been my life for years! But I digress.
So although I haven’t been working out, old habits die hard. I can’t help but still wake up early – I think I’ve just programmed myself this way. I’ve slept in past 4:30; however, I’m still up by 5:30, still out of the house before everyone wakes up and now, instead of the gym, I’m in the office before the lights have even turned on. Good for me actually, since my job gets kinda crazy once everyone is here, so it’s nice to power through some things before I have any interruptions.
This weekend is going to be a challenge I’m sure, even though I really don’t want it to be and even though I really don’t think it should be – it will. I have a lot planned with some new friends here in Chicago. Beach. Dinners. Bars. Beach. FUN.
Dawn…..have FUN! Relax and don’t stress. Don’t worry – live your life!